I never thought I’d be the one praying for you, but every night I lay in bed, I place you at God’s feet. I’ve seen you. I’ve touched you. I’ve loved you. But you’re not here. I’ve looked into your eyes. I’ve heard you speak. But you don’t exist.

You’re only real when I’m asleep.

I never thought I’d wait on you, but I am. I don’t know if you’re coming, or if you have any plans to show up at all, but I’ll be here. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. It rained on me the whole way there. How cliché. They told me things I already knew.

They want me to feel broken. I don’t. They want me to bend His will. I won’t. It’s not easy, you see, all of this you put me through. But I’m not defined by it. Others understand. I know exactly where you are.

Don’t worry about me. I have a plan. You may come, and you may go, but I’m going to walk this path He put me on. I’m not sure where it ends up. I don’t need to. I’m not alone. Despite what they want me to think, I haven’t lost you yet.

Because you’re real when I’m asleep.


– S.A. Dees


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