Being Assertive

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had some brief moments of over-inflated confidence. I received a few new subscriber notifications and thought…huh, that’s odd. Then, I received a few more so I thought, maybe my two posts a month has become really popular all of a sudden? Then a lot more rolled in and I started to think I may be the next Beyoncé of the writing world. Soon dozens were coming in one after the other, and their email addresses started to look a lot like or After 23 pinged in a single hour, I leapt off my throne and accepted the fact I was being spammed. Pretty badly, as a matter of fact. So, you’ll notice my subscribe bar on the right is no longer there*. Which is a shame, because part of me really wants to believe that AllNightLongDong is super interested in hearing about my awkward adventures in home buying/selling.

As a Christian, I believe in God, and part of my faith is believing that God is not vindictive, but as it turns out, he isn’t the only one in heaven keeping an eye on me. As a child, my mother –  once frustrated with my hermit-like tendencies – told me “one of these days, I’m going to make you more assertive.” Well, my guess is the powers bestowed upon her in heaven are mighty indeed, because lately I’ve had to force myself to talk to actual, three dimensional human beings. God and my mother must have had, and save for a better turn-of-phrase,  a “come-to-Jesus” meeting about my awkwardness.

Jordan started his new job last week and has stayed rather busy. Since we have not closed on our new home yet, he has been taking care of all the necessary steps and paperwork in the new location. This leaves yours truly to handle all the ins-and-outs of the sale of our current home. Additionally, because it’s a corporate relocation, we’re required to do a bit more in regards to inspections and appraisals (a lot more of them). Our doorbell has been ringing quite a bit lately, and with a husband out trying to establish a new home for his family, I’ve been greeting them all with a big, fat, awkward smile on my face.

If I am allowed to boast for just a minute here, as someone who is too scared to order a pizza over the phone, I think I’ve handled all of this rather well, so far. I’m pretty sure I’ve buried my painfully graceless tendencies enough to give off the impression that I’m somewhat normal to all the strangers coming in and out of my house. We’ve had casual conversations and I haven’t yet said anything that’s made me want to shrivel up and die out of embarrassment. It also probably helps that we’ve kind of taken away a lot of items inside the house that may warrant some questions; i.e. there’s no longer a tractor chilling out in our garage. Above all else, I even answered my phone when it rang and talked to a complete stranger on the other end. The universe may cease to exist tomorrow.

If I have to pinpoint a reason on my pending successes thus far, I’d say it’s what’s occurred on the other side of all of this. Nothing makes you feel less alone in the world than going out and walking around other peoples’ homes. You’re not supposed to pay attention to the furniture or wall hangings or décor, but I mean, come on. Who can walk inside the trenches of a stranger’s most intimate spaces and only focus on the dimensions of the walls and square footage? No one alive.

Well…except maybe the blind.

Waltzing through close to 30 houses makes you understand how all people on this earth have their little quirks that make them unique. We each have different tastes when it comes to the styles, art, and objects we enjoy. I learned that, while all of this is okay and perfectly normal on a personal basis, if you’re home is opening up to the general public for sale, you may want to consider housing your company of naked mole rat babies elsewhere for the time being. Or, pack away the framed photo of your fully naked wife hanging in the hall a bit early. Look, I’m all for flaunting our special talents and tastes and celebrating differences, but there’s a time and a place, right?

Purchasing a house also makes you deal with a whole host of other professionals. I received ample practice discussing things with various realtors and business professionals. But, if we’re really going to be honest, I think my normal human skills have probably been absorbed osmotically through a number of conversations and phone calls my husband has exposed me to.

So, yes. I’ve had to be rather assertive lately, and each time there’s a knock on the door and a new face needs to come inside to take care of some form of business, I can’t help but think of my mom up in heaven with God, Grandma, Jesus, Granny, Papa Charlie, and whole horde of others watching me and snapping their fingers in satisfaction.

Okay, Mom. You win.


– S.S. Dees


*If you are not yet on the subscriber list and would like to get notification of new posts, just let me know and I’ll add you. Once I figure out a way to keep Longrodvonhugendong from spamming my stuff, I’ll put the subscriber bar back up.


    1. I have you on the subscriber list. If you’re not getting any of the post emails, check your spam folders. Thanks for reading!

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