You’ve found me, and I know it wasn’t hard because I wasn’t exactly avoiding you, but nonetheless, you did it. Congrats. I knew you were present when, in the midst of coveting a vacuum on sale at Lowe’s, I spotted the couple hugging their brand new washing machine from the corner of my eye, and I rejoiced with them. I stared at my husband, a boy I knew since the tender ages of sixteen and seventeen, and allowed my facial expressions to do all the talking. We’ve come a long way, baby.
And then I started to notice a few other things, like how my Facebook and Twitter feeds are suddenly filled with A LOT of political rants and views and TEDx Talks about economic affairs and immigration reform, and a lot less about shot bars and embarrassing pictures of friends and their friends’ friends doing keg stands with Thi Beta Delta Sigma espilongreekletters. So…exactly how long have you been with us? Did I, in some unknowing way, invite you in when I bought that Ninja blender a few years ago? You scoff, stating any blender could be used for margaritas, but come on. This is a NINJA. Sure, it’s no Vitamix, but everyone has a budg-ohhhhh. Okay. I see what the deal is now. And, to add on, maybe the nail in the adolescent coffin was the bags of spinach I purchased along with my fancy new blender, and not so much concentrated lime juice and tequila. (Let’s not get carried away here, I still have tequila in my pantry, it’s just much better tequila). But this can’t be right, because I remember budgets and mortgages and coupon books way before there was a Ninja and top shelf tequila. So when was it??? When did you actually show up? When did we switch from the couple that goes “did you see the new Xbox?” to “OMG have you seen the new Maytag?”
I’m not bothered about any of this. Really. I love growing up. In fact, I appreciate the little things so much more now that you’ve arrived. A warmer in my vehicle’s steering wheel? Yes, please. A robot that dusts my floors? God send. Extra cargo space in an SUV for groceries? Holla at yo gurl. Wood-wick burning candles? SHUT THE @#$% UP!
No, my Amazon wish list isn’t filled with video games or toys, and yes, most of the texts between my sisters has to do with curtain rods and art. Many times messages like, “what’s your homemade mix for Ajax again?” accompany our interactions and none of this is an issue for me. I am unsure how long you’ve been here. I am unsure how long it’s been since my husband drifted away from being the boy in an arcade begging his mom for quarters to being the man in the aisle of a home improvement store urging his wife “but PLEASE? It’s a DYSON!”
I really don’t know, but I see you’re here now, so welcome. I look forward to the time we will have together. Go easy on me.
– S.A. Dees